Why do I doubt my parenting so much?

25-6-2026 | 8 min read

About parental doubt with toddlers and preschoolers

Your child is more than the behavior you see.

Still, behavior is often exactly where that doubt begins.

Maybe you recognize this. You have read parenting books, follow inspiring accounts about conscious parenting and try to guide your child in a loving way. You want to be a parent who truly understands what your child needs.

And yet it does not always feel as calm and natural as you had hoped.

Your toddler has a tantrum because they do not want to get out of the bath. Your preschooler seems to resist everything at home, even though school says your child is helpful and social. Later that evening, you keep thinking about what happened, what you said and how you reacted.

• Should I have responded differently?
• Was I too strict?
• Or not clear enough?

Why do I doubt my parenting so much?

It is a question many parents of toddlers and preschoolers recognize. In my practice in Amstelveen, this question often comes up with parents who want to parent consciously and do right by their child.

Maybe you recognize these thoughts:

• Am I doing this right?
• How should I handle this?
• Why does it seem easier for other parents?
• Am I too strict or too permissive?
• Why does this affect me so much?

When these questions come up regularly, it does not necessarily mean you are doing something wrong. Often it means something else.

Why doubt arises so often

Many parents think confidence in parenting means always knowing exactly what to do.

But parenting does not work that way.

Every developmental phase asks something different. What worked yesterday may no longer fit today. Your child keeps changing, and you move along with that.

Parents often focus on what went wrong, what they wish they had done differently, how other parents handle things and behavior that creates tension.

Much less often do we pause to notice everything that is already going well.

Parents who doubt themselves most are often not the ones who care too little. They are usually deeply involved parents who want to attune, understand and connect.

The growing pains of development

Much behavior from toddlers and preschoolers belongs to healthy development: tantrums, the no-phase, strong emotions, testing boundaries, wanting to do everything independently and difficulty with change.

For parents this can feel as if something is wrong. Often the opposite is true: your child is developing.

When you start to recognize this, there is more room. You see not only behavior that is difficult, but also a child who is growing.

The perfect family does not exist

Many parents unconsciously have an image of what family life should look like: calm, harmonious and pleasant.

But real connection does not arise because everything always runs smoothly. Connection grows when you can return to each other after tension.

The question is not whether conflicts happen. The question is how you find each other again afterward.

10 signs your child feels safe with you

Many parents think safety is mainly visible in obedience. In reality, it often looks different.

• Your child dares to show emotions with you
• Your child dares to express anger
• Your child seeks you after conflict
• Your child dares to say no
• Your child tests boundaries near you
• Your child reconnects after a tantrum
• Your child seeks comfort from you
• Your child dares to be themselves
• Your child trusts that you remain available
• Your child challenges you without shutting down

Children grow. And parents do too.

Perhaps this is one of the least discussed sides of parenthood: you are not only watching your child grow, you are learning again and again yourself.

Parenthood does not ask for perfection. It asks for attunement, repair and reconnecting.

When knowledge is not enough

Maybe you know quite a lot about parenting. You know emotions belong, tantrums are normal and development is not always smooth.

And yet you may still get stuck in the same situations, because it feels different when it is about your own child.

That is human. Parenting comes close.

From doubt to trust

The question is not only: am I doing it right? It is also: can I trust myself in how I respond?

Trust does not come from knowing everything. It grows when you learn to look at what is really happening, what your child is trying to show and what is being touched in you.

Parenting is not about responding perfectly. It is about returning to contact again and again.

Do you live in Amstelveen or nearby?

If you regularly get stuck in the same parenting situations with your toddler or preschooler, it can help to look together at what lies behind your child's behavior and behind your own response as a parent.

Because your child is more than the behavior you see. And perhaps that is ultimately true for you as a parent too.